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Dear Chris Letter & Answer

Q. How do you curb or stop tantruming and/or crying fits in an 8 almost 9 year old little girl.? This has been an ongoing issue for me and I am done using all my tools and need some new ones.

A. It is distressing to have an older child who is still displays this behavior. Tantruming is common in younger children who use it to communicate and it usually disappears when a child discovers a more effective way to communicate. I imagine that you have been very consistent and you do not give your daughter what she is tantruming to get.   However, there are several reasons why an older child will still use tantrums to express themselves even if you do not give into their requests.   So, if the tantrum behavior is not getting your daughter what she wants then she is using it for another reason and will not stop until you fix the cause. You need to determine why this behavior has not disappeared in your daughter. Once you have determined why it has not disappeared you will be able to decide what needs to be done. Here are some things to think about.
1. Does your child have effective verbal communication skills? Even a child with a large vocabulary needs to be able to use that vocabulary to get their needs met. Is your child able to communicate frustration, anger, and disappointment using words or does she resort to behaviors to express emotion? If she does, you need to spend a lot of time talking and teaching your daughter how to express emotion using words.
2. Have you taught your daughter expected behaviors for her age? You may need to help your daughter mature by changing how you treat her. Teach her to use more mature behaviors by treating her differently. Include her in planning meal menus, helping with the shopping list, or planning a family outing.   Have her take on a “cause” such as helping at an animal shelter or helping at a food bank.
3. Help your daughter move from being a “little girl” to a preteen young lady by bringing new topics into conversations. Have conversations about community concerns or world events. Keep it age appropriate but expand her world. For example, does she know the name of the new dog at the White House?
4. You also need to look at your daughter’s ability to calm down when she gets upset. She may need to practice and role play situations where she is very angry and then does some self talk to calm down.   Before you go to a store where you may have to tell her she cannot have an item that she wants, have her practice what she will do when you say “no.”
5. Look at the amount of physical and mental stimulation she has each day. Children who do not get enough physical exercise or mental stimulation tend to be more volatile. Long walks together, swimming, and other outside activities will help the child who is too sedentary. Board games and other indoor projects will help stimulate a child mentally and be fun.
6. Does your daughter tantrum every time you say “no” or is it related to specific activities? For example, a child who only has a tantrum when it is time to do homework may be frustrated by the task and the task may be overwhelming.   You may have to look at the task and decide if there is a justified frustration.   If it is a specific activity, determine if there is something you can do to adjust or change the expectations to prevent the tantrums.

The Weekly Word
ABC’s of Homework Jan. 11, 2010
WhY you need to help your child with homework With everything else that parents have to do, why do they need to help their children with homework? You need to help your children develop good work strategies. Learning study skills at an early age will help them complete their homework and ensure future academic success. However, you should not have to teach your child “how” to do the assigned lessons. Your child should know “how” to do the lessons when they are assigned as homework. Your job is to help your child learn work strategies so that the assignments can be completed. If you feel that your child did not learn the work at school and you are teaching the lessons at home, call your child’s teacher and discuss this. Remember, good work strategies will help your child be successful in high school when you REALLY won’t want to help. Good work strategies are the same strategies that your child will need to be successful in any job. Having good work strategies will make the twelve years that your child is in school more pleasant - for everyone.	Zip up your lip So they didn’t do their homework. They stayed up late and they are tired. They promised that they would do it and it got too late. You told them that this would happen. You told them and you told them and you told them. Now you are angry. Zip up your lip. ~~~~~ Remember every nice thing that your child has done for you. Remember that you love them. Keep this in perspective - this is school. They are there to learn and sometimes that means learning by their mistakes. You made mistakes. You survived. As a matter of fact you did quite well - for someone who didn’t always do your homework. Enjoy your child.
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Dear Chris Letter & Answer Q. How do you curb or stop tantruming and/or crying fits in an 8 almost 9 year old little girl.? This has been an ongoing issue for me and I am done using all my tools and need some new ones. A. It is distressing to have an older child who is still displays this behavior. Tantruming is common in younger children who use it to communicate and it usually disappears when a child discovers a more effective way to communicate. I imagine that you have been very consistent and you do not give your daughter what she is tantruming to get. However, there are several reasons why an older child will still use tantrums to express themselves even if you do not give into their requests. So, if the tantrum behavior is not getting your daughter what she wants then she is using it for another reason and will not stop until you fix the cause. You need to determine why this behavior has not disappeared in your daughter. Once you have determined why it has not disappeared you will be able to decide what needs to be done. Here are some things to think about. 1. Does your child have effective verbal communication skills? Even a child with a large vocabulary needs to be able to use that vocabulary to get their needs met. Is your child able to communicate frustration, anger, and disappointment using words or does she resort to behaviors to express emotion? If she does, you need to spend a lot of time talking and teaching your daughter how to express emotion using words. 2. Have you taught your daughter expected behaviors for her age? You may need to help your daughter mature by changing how you treat her. Teach her to use more mature behaviors by treating her differently. Include her in planning meal menus, helping with the shopping list, or planning a family outing. Have her take on a “cause” such as helping at an animal shelter or helping at a food bank. 3. Help your daughter move from being a “little girl” to a preteen young lady by bringing new topics into conversations. Have conversations about community concerns or world events. Keep it age appropriate but expand her world. For example, does she know the name of the new dog at the White House? 4. You also need to look at your daughter’s ability to calm down when she gets upset. She may need to practice and role play situations where she is very angry and then does some self talk to calm down. Before you go to a store where you may have to tell her she cannot have an item that she wants, have her practice what she will do when you say “no.” 5. Look at the amount of physical and mental stimulation she has each day. Children who do not get enough physical exercise or mental stimulation tend to be more volatile. Long walks together, swimming, and other outside activities will help the child who is too sedentary. Board games and other indoor projects will help stimulate a child mentally and be fun. 6. Does your daughter tantrum every time you say “no” or is it related to specific activities? For example, a child who only has a tantrum when it is time to do homework may be frustrated by the task and the task may be overwhelming. You may have to look at the task and decide if there is a justified frustration. If it is a specific activity, determine if there is something you can do to adjust or change the expectations to prevent the tantrums.	JANUARY "Family Tree" CAMPAIGN Martin Luther King Day Everyone has someone that has stood up for them as an advocate or just as a friend, Here is an opportunity to say Thank-you. For $10.00 we will hang a flag on our "Family Tree" with their name on it. We will then put a picture of that flag in our Weekly Word Newsletter. Network for Good Paypal Or Call 866 326 4864
	A Fun Recipe for Kids German Pancake Ingredients 1 cup cream-style cottage cheese 6 eggs ¼ cup milk ¼ cup vegetable oil ½ cup unbleached flour ¼ teaspoon salt 1 cup chopped, peeled apple Directions Place all ingredients except apple in blender. Blend for one minute. Add fruit and stir. Cook on a lightly greased griddle until browned on both sides. Yield: 4 servings Click one for printable version
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